Wednesday, May 13, 2009

That Night !

They say "Failure is the first step of success", but in my case failure became not only the first but also the last step.

My dreams were shattered, I lost hope in life. My life was hell. Failure was sucking me down into abyss. There was no light except darkness. Downfall became habit. I was good for nothing. I feared of going to sunlight as my shadow also started hating me. I was alone. I was insane.

That night I came home late, my family was out of station and I was alone. I prepared food and ate nicely since starving was killing me from the morning. I was watching tv then suddenly heavy wind started blowing, lightening was continuous with thunder. Rain started to make the atmosphere cool which was hot because of me throwing out the bitterness of frustration on life. That was the time for electricity company to save electricity. I was dumped in darkness as my life was roaming in kalahari desert with no hopes of oasis. I sat on my bed and started throwing light to the darker side of my past. My eyes were red bleeding tears.

Fear is the first face of darkness. Fear of failures made me brave to end my life. My will of committing suicide became stronger and stronger. I had lost hopes on myself, it made easy for my mind that surrendered itself for this single thought.

I dragged the table into the centre and under the fan. I tied a bedsheet to the fan. I kept the stool on the table. I sat on the stool to make my last wish. I prayed for my family and friends . My heart became numb. My lips were dry. My eyes became bright. My body became cold.
For the last time I closed my eyes and remembered my parents friends and all the good things of my life. I stood on the table and was about to give my neck to the claws of death.

Suddenly, I heard a voice of female outside who was calling my name. I was shocked, in a fraction of second I came to reality. I was afraid. I rearranged the table and the stool. I removed the bedsheet and hurried to see who it was. I went near the window it wa very dark outside and she was drenched in rain. I recognized her as she lived beside my house. I opened the lock of the door, went out and asked the reason. She told that she had a fight with her husband on the issue of drinking and now he has locked himself in the room.

A thought striked me like a lightening. I hurried to her house, banged the door of his room. He was not opening the door nor was answering me. I tried asking that lady but she was dumb and motionless. I ran to the opposite house to get some help. Another guy came and we both used our power to open the door. The door was opened but the guy inside was almost knocking the doors of death. I held his leg and the other guy removed the bedsheet from the neck. We made him lie down. The lady was very grateful for us. Even my heart was filled with gratitude towards her but I could not express it.

I came home searched the dustbin, I got half a cigarette which was smoked last night. I lighted it and was cursing myself for being so coward. Now the man who tried committing suicide never speaks to me face to face. And I cannot face myself in front of the mirror.

The one thing which bothered me alot was how a death came to rescue me from committing suicide. That incident remained a mystery forever as it did not answered any of my questions except it made me enlightened.

Even now I am climbing the steps of failure but I know that this time the last step is mine i.e., success.