L O S T

Here I Am, In This Path,

I Am Some One, I Am None,

I Am Alone.

I Am Not Yet Dead,

I Am Not Yet Buried Or Burnt Yet,

I May Be Lost In Life,

But Someday I Will Be Found.

Why I Love You So Much?

When I was born my mother was the first to kiss me on my forehead.
My dad was the first who took me in his hands and made me feel secure and warm.
When I was one year old my mother was the one who understood my alien language and fed me with food and love.
My dad was the one who took me ride in his bike and got me chocolates.
Whenever I got less chocolates my sister was the one who shared her chocolates with me.
Whenever I was hungry or sick my sister was the one who nourished me like my mother with her care and concern.
My grandmother was the one who always made me to sleep on her laps and narrated the stories of princes and kings.
My grandfather was the one who took me to evening walk and got whatever I asked.
My dad taught me to ride cycle.
When I lost the first cricket match it was my dad who filled confidence in me.
My mother taught me to win no matter if it was a match on life.
Whenever i skinned my knees and came home crying my mom used to cry with me and my dad used to bandage my knee.
My teachers and lecturers were responsible for me to think bigger and higher in life.
Whenever I lost battle of life it was my friends who supported me.
Friends were the one who laughed in joy, cried in sorrow with me.
Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry my friends were the one who lend their shoulders and brought back the smile on my face.
My friends were the one who were with me in my failure and success.
My Parents, My Family, My Teachers, My Friends were the one who were with me all the time throughout my life.

I Love Them All.
But.....
Why I Love You???? So much

Gorky On Celluloind

An article by Muralidhar Khajane, which appeared in today's (21st May 2009) issue of The Hindu.

GangwayZ, a group of youngsters from Mysore, has produced a 130-minute Kannada feature film Jaaga Doreyutthade (or Spaces for rent (sfr)), based on Maxim Gorky’s play The Lower Depths.

The director of the film, N.S. Islahuddin, is a gold medalist in Journalism from the University of Mysore and has a Masters degree in Media Production from the University of Sunderland, England. “I have made sincere efforts to contemporise the play in the background of economic slowdown,” says 27-year old Islahuddin.


On the adaptation of The Lower Depths, he says as a student he was impressed by its content and when he decided to direct a film, the play came as a natural choice for adaptation. “Of course adapting the play to the present scenario is quite a challenging task. Bringing the modern day elements, while retaining the essence of the original play, is not easy. Jaaga Doreyuttade is set against the backdrop of recession and panic related to it and so needed a completely new treatement,” he says.

Islahuddin describes the experiment as “community or cooperative film making”. He speaks of the difficulty they faced when a person who had promised them financial support could not do so following which the group members themselves pitched in their resources to complete the film.
The group adapted various strategies to bring down the production cost. The team members decided to shoot the film in an empty house that belongs to one of the group members. Art director Badal Nanjunadswamy remodelled the house to suit to the needs of script. The entire film is shot in a house. To meet the requirements of the camera and lighting, Shivashankar and James Mani and their team made the best possible use of basics provided. As the cast needed actors in the age group of 20 and 27, those from the group who fit the bill were retained and the the rest of the members were involved in production.

Theatre director C. Basavalingaiah is making a comeback as an actor after 20 years with this film. “However, this film is a litmus test for the actors who have to do justice to the characters they play,” says Islahuddin.

Will GangwayZ be able to create space for itself in the film world remains to be seen. The film will be screened in Mysore from June 6th and then it will be screened in all other places across the State.

That Night !

They say "Failure is the first step of success", but in my case failure became not only the first but also the last step.

My dreams were shattered, I lost hope in life. My life was hell. Failure was sucking me down into abyss. There was no light except darkness. Downfall became habit. I was good for nothing. I feared of going to sunlight as my shadow also started hating me. I was alone. I was insane.

That night I came home late, my family was out of station and I was alone. I prepared food and ate nicely since starving was killing me from the morning. I was watching tv then suddenly heavy wind started blowing, lightening was continuous with thunder. Rain started to make the atmosphere cool which was hot because of me throwing out the bitterness of frustration on life. That was the time for electricity company to save electricity. I was dumped in darkness as my life was roaming in kalahari desert with no hopes of oasis. I sat on my bed and started throwing light to the darker side of my past. My eyes were red bleeding tears.

Fear is the first face of darkness. Fear of failures made me brave to end my life. My will of committing suicide became stronger and stronger. I had lost hopes on myself, it made easy for my mind that surrendered itself for this single thought.

I dragged the table into the centre and under the fan. I tied a bedsheet to the fan. I kept the stool on the table. I sat on the stool to make my last wish. I prayed for my family and friends . My heart became numb. My lips were dry. My eyes became bright. My body became cold.
For the last time I closed my eyes and remembered my parents friends and all the good things of my life. I stood on the table and was about to give my neck to the claws of death.

Suddenly, I heard a voice of female outside who was calling my name. I was shocked, in a fraction of second I came to reality. I was afraid. I rearranged the table and the stool. I removed the bedsheet and hurried to see who it was. I went near the window it wa very dark outside and she was drenched in rain. I recognized her as she lived beside my house. I opened the lock of the door, went out and asked the reason. She told that she had a fight with her husband on the issue of drinking and now he has locked himself in the room.

A thought striked me like a lightening. I hurried to her house, banged the door of his room. He was not opening the door nor was answering me. I tried asking that lady but she was dumb and motionless. I ran to the opposite house to get some help. Another guy came and we both used our power to open the door. The door was opened but the guy inside was almost knocking the doors of death. I held his leg and the other guy removed the bedsheet from the neck. We made him lie down. The lady was very grateful for us. Even my heart was filled with gratitude towards her but I could not express it.

I came home searched the dustbin, I got half a cigarette which was smoked last night. I lighted it and was cursing myself for being so coward. Now the man who tried committing suicide never speaks to me face to face. And I cannot face myself in front of the mirror.

The one thing which bothered me alot was how a death came to rescue me from committing suicide. That incident remained a mystery forever as it did not answered any of my questions except it made me enlightened.

Even now I am climbing the steps of failure but I know that this time the last step is mine i.e., success.

First KISS :-)

While I was coming to Rangayana to meet her I took a Rose as I love that a lot. It was a long time since I met her. My waiting was ended as she rode into the gates of Rangayana. My wish was fulfilled as I saw her face, she was as usual, very beautiful. The most attractive thing was her eyes which can see through the soul.

I sat behind her and told her to drive for a restaurant. Sitting behind her was like heaven. I was intoxicated by her body odour. Her curly hairs were mesmerising as they were flying on my face. She took 15 minutes to reach the restaurant but I felt I was there within no time. Whenever I sat behind her I have forgotten the whole world. Except her the whole world looked blur to me.

We reached Nalpak restaurant and had our lunch. I asked her for a long drive but she did not agree as she had to go home. I promised her that we will be back in an hour. It took hell like effort to convince her and at last she agreed. I was very happy as my dream was coming true.

I rode her bike and filled the fuel. She was very much eager to know the place I am driving, but I wanted that to be a suspense and I maintained it as a secret for some time. She got very angry for that and was carrying tons of anger on her cute little nose, but within no time her anger was down by few romantic words of mine.

I turned the bike towards Chamundi hill and the secret of our destination was revealed. There is a place near Nandi hill where you can see the whole of Mysore but uninhabited. This is my favourite spot as I go there whenever I am sad or happy to be in solitude from the world.

I wanted my best moment of my life to be spent there with her. She was shocked as I stopped there where there was no one around. I stood on the compound and she sat. I told her that I have a suspense for her. She was very much anxious and was forcing me to tell but I was thinking that how to bring my imagination into the reality. I thought for half an hour but could not find any solution. She was continuously forcing me. She talks a lot but its always sweet to hear her voice. I jumped from the compound and started roaming here and there thinking. She warned me that if I wont end the suspense she would leave. At last lightening strike me and I got the solution to put my imagination into the actions.

I asked for 5 minutes to express. She was so curious that she started a stopwatch in her mobile. There was complete silence everywhere. I could hear the wind blowing and horns of some vehicles far somewhere.

The time was running out and only 30 seconds were left. The hot wind of afternoon became colder and colder. Suddenly I was on my knees and took the rose from my bag. It was red as it was soaked in my blood which runs through my veins in search of her love. My whole body was shivering but my hand was firm which was holding the rose.

I - I LOVE YOU...
SHE - THANK YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME THIS MILLIONS OF TIME...

The whole world seemed to me in a slow motion. Suddenly I took her right foot on my knees. I rubbed it and kissed her foot. My dried lips tried to make an impression on her foot but it was soon wiped out by few drops of tears which fell from my eyes on her foot.

Who Sins Most???

A breakup needs sometime to come out of it. This was the last conversation with the woman who was with her child in a shopping mall.

Coming out of mall, after a deep frustration of meeting ex girlfriend made my mood more worse than that of a chilling night of December. My legs were on its own speed and was against the cold breeze which was blowing. Wandering legs roamed around for two hours till my eyesight was caught by a zero candle bulb which was on the top of the door of an unknown pub. At last my wandering legs got their destination.

There was a lonely table in the corner with two chairs, which was more similar like me. I sat on that chair and took a pack of cigarette and started to make the environment more dull with the smoke. The frustrated mind was relaxing but suddenly a voice interrupted asking for the order. The cigarette got its way into the ash tray and order was placed for a bottle of whisky with some ice cubes.

LOVE ME LOVE ME DO.... This was the song in the background which was making my mood more high. Instead of smoke my head was relaxed on the table.

SOMEWHERE IN MY HEART, BENEATH ALL THE PLEASURES I HAVE, BEHIND THIS SMILING FACE, THERE IS A LONELY THOUGHT WHICH IS WANDERING ALL OVER MY MIND AND THATS U......

After sometime my order was on my table.The bottle was opened and whisky was poured to the glass which already had few ice cubes. Mind took a ride of good old days and whisky was bottoms up.

The loneliness was ended by a sweet female voice " Can I have a seat here"
"No... I need to be alone" was the reply. " Even I want to be alone but there is no place around" I nodded my head as Yes. Waiter came with another glass thinking she was with me. I went to stop him but she held my hand and I was quite.

She asked me the reason for drinking but I was not bothered to reply her. I just took another peg of whisky and saw her face for the first time. She was cute but her eyes were beautiful. She poured whisky to her glass and drank without adding any ice cubes into it. She started crying but I did not speak a word nor tried to pacify her. She told that she had a breakup with her boyfriend two days back and she seemed to be very upset. I was busy with my frustration and whisky so was not in a mood to listen to her.

There was silence and nothing else between us. We both were busy listening to the music which was making us more intoxicated. I think pub owner was a very big fan of Beatles.

I completed my drink, thanked her for the company and came out of the pub. She was alone and it was late night so she requested me to accompany her to her apartment. I did not mind and started walking with her. The night was very cold and I was smoking all the way. We never spoke a word till we reached her apartment. She invited me in and I agreed without giving a second thought.

I was sitting on an easy chair surfing tv channels. She came with the night dress and stood in front of me. She was looking sexy. I lifted her to bed. I asked her " are you virgin". "yes" was the reply, she asked about me I said I am doing it for the first time.

It was around eight in the morning when door bell rang, it was an alarm for both of us. She got up and went to see who was at the door.
At the same time my mobile received a message by my ex girlfriend saying that she is a divorcee now and an explanation for dumping me.
The door bell rang again and she hurried to the door. When she opened the door her boyfriend was on his knees holding a bunch of red roses.

IS THIS HER FAULT OR MINE??? THE TEMPTER OR THE TEMPTED .... WHO SINS MOST???

Mourn Mourn Mourn....

I had a weird experience few days back. I got a message to attend mourning of Sandeep Unnikrishnan. Me and my friends went to attend it and it was organised by a news channel ( I do not want to name the channel).

There were few other people from nearby hostel and a group of young girls from the nearby PG. Those girls came there as if they are attending some reception, they were wearing grand dresses and their make-up was like as they were going to sign as a heroine to the movie.

The tv people already had a concept in their mind and that was to blame politicians. There were around 50 in numbers who came to mourn to the martyr. Tv people gave candles to everyone and made us to light and we were supposed to tell our opinions about how the politicians are responsible for the attack on Taj.

The most disgusting thing was, one of the crew member from the channel disguised himself as a common man and made his first opinion, the channel crew with a reporter and a cameraman took his opinion first, he in his talk took the concept of blaming the politicians as i have mentioned above. The reporter took a point from that opinion and posed a question relating to politics to the next person, and this went on.

People who came to mourn were more excited to be in front of camera rather to mourn. There was a tough competition among the public to give their opinion about the politicians and everyone were fighting for the mike to talk, girls who came from the PG were standing like models. I think they were invited to make the picture bit beautiful.

Few people came there as they thought that there was a shooting of some movie, few of them literally did not knew who was Sandeep. Few were talking like if they would have been near the attack, they would have stopped that and fought against terrorist.

I was simply standing in the last row holding a candle and staring at those beautiful girls. I thought that the mourning ceremony will be very decent but never knew that it will be like a celebration. At one point I was feeling very bad about myself to attend such a ceremony where people were using a martyr's name to their means. I just blew the candle off and went aside to have a smoke. But my friends were still standing there.

After the opinion round, channel people made the public to place the candle on the nearby fountain, cameraman was taking shots in an artistic manner.

I bet no one of them who assembled there mourned to the martyr including myself. Public was attracted to the camera and channel people wanted to raise the TRPs of their news.

The so called mourning ceremony ended up in the way the news channel wanted, I was completely bored that day.